Read: Proverbs 24:3, Deuteronomy 6:7-8

Think: We had an agreement as our children were growing up that all the musical instruments should be left out in the house, not kept in their cases hidden in closets and under beds. The idea was that open opportunities improved chances that someone would pick up the instrument and play it and by playing incorporate it into their lives. When Pastor Ben was teaching us about Raising Spiritual Champions this past weekend this agreement came to mind.

We kept the Bibles out too, retelling of our testimonies was common dinner talk and through the hard times in our lives we called on the Lord together. I think providing opportunity was a guiding thought in our household. We brought our children to church with us every weekend of their lives and provided opportunity for them to find their friends there and develop their talents and abilities. Against most church “wisdom” our children played in our worship band when they were 8 years old.

We have worked to make sure that the separation of “church and state” is very narrow. Spiritual champions blend their faith life and day-to-day life; they “talk about their faith when they sit at home and when they walk along the road…” Deut 6:7-8. And raising spiritual champions starts by offering them the opportunities and model of how to do that.

Do: List the ways you can incorporate faith and family life. Make a commitment to go to church with your family every week for 6 months, bring up faith topics at dinner every night for a week, talk about your own struggles with faith over the years and how God has taken care of you in the midst of them.

Pray:  Father, give me the wisdom and opportunities to live my life in you in an intentional, informal and inspirational way in front of my children and family that they will grow in You and in their faith. Amen

Read:   Psalm 34:8

Think: I was intrigued, as I sat poolside, watching my husband play with our two grandchildren in the water.  One was wild and daring and needed to be constantly cautioned.  She was not yet a swimmer, but seemed to know no fear.  Her favorite game was to stand on the pool deck and jump to grandpa.  She completely trusted him to catch her.  By contrast our grandson entered the water slowly and completely on his terms.   He liked to be able to see the bottom of the pool.  It took considerable coaching and much encouragement to get him to attempt a jump to grandpa.   Even then grandpa had to stand close to the pool edge where he could touch hands with our grandson.  He had to keep repeating his promise to catch him.  He had to promise that he would not take a step back.  These traits are evident in other areas of their personalities.  One views life as a daring adventure and is confident and trusting. The other is more cautious and likes to test the water before jumping.

I reflected, as I watched them play, how similar our walk with God is.  Some of us come to God with little fear, finding it easy to jump into His loving arms, knowing we can totally trust Him.  They seem to quickly grasp grace and believe Gods promises.  Others come slowly.  For them it is a step by step process and their trust grows as God shows he is faithful over and over again, much like grandpa did that day in the pool. 

Isn’t it wonderful and amazing that our Heavenly Father comes to us where we are in our faith journey and deals with us individually!  How pleased he must be for those who come without a struggle, who find it easy to make the jump of faith.  I love that he patiently proves himself to those who come more slowly, one step at a time.  He understands our fears and doubts and longs for us to make the discovery…He is trustworthy.

Do: Think about your personality and temperament… and how it affects your approach to God. Then consider His tailor-made response to you as you as you seek Him out, and follow Him.

Pray:  Lord, as we walk in your presence help us to know you more intimately.  Help us to let go of our fears and dare to trust you in a deeper way.  Thank you for the experiences in our life that deepen our trust in you.

Read: John 3:16; Proverbs 3:5-6; John 16:33

Think: Today’s message centered on the concept of raising spiritual champions. During the message, I was reminded about the importance of raising kids to know and trust Christ. As parents, we all want what is best for our kids. This love for our children drives us to work tirelessly with our kids on homework, athletics, peer relationships, and behavior, all in an effort to prepare them for a successful future. As I was thinking about the future of my three little ones today, I was reminded that the most important thing I can help them with is leading them towards Christ to make sure their eternity is secure. The Bible says that we will spend eternity either with Christ in heaven or apart from him. As I pondered their their future in this light, I was reminded of the importance of teaching them to know and trust Christ.

The second idea that came to mind was how much more my kids will need Christ as time goes on. Jesus states in the gospel of John that “in this world you will have trouble.” Whether it will be financial trouble, health issues, relational pains, death of a family member or friend, or simply the emptiness of being apart from God, our kids will need Christ’s presence and guidance to make it through the trials and pains that will come their way. After promising that we will all go through trials, Jesus says, “but take heart, I have overcome the world.” I want to raise my kids to know that ultimately God is in control, has a plan for them, and will carry them through all of the challenges that will be thrown at them.

Do: Think about your next step in helping your kids develop spiritually. The Timberlake staff is a great resource to talk to and provide materials to assist you as you seek to lead your kids spiritually. Commit to praying daily for your kids spiritual development.

Pray: God, thank you that you love my kids even more than I do. I pray that they would know you and trust you all the days of their lives. Please guide me in my role as a parent in their spiritual development.

Read:  Proverbs 24:3; Deuteronomy 6:5-8; Ephesians 6:1-3; Proverbs 4:23

Think:   This week Pastor Ben talked more about the role of parents in our home lives and the importance of raising spiritual champions. So what is a spiritual champion? How do we recognize them in life?

They are people who learn to depend on God first and not on other lesser things, such as idols (or as Tim Keller calls them in his book of the same name) "counterfeit gods" like money, power, fame, privilege or sex to get through life. I know for me, this week it's been much easier to see what the cost of spiritual defeat can be in my own life. A close friend I have known since high school called me to mention that another mutual friend of ours had posted something negative about religion on Facebook. We both found it to be offensive and disturbing. I probably wouldn't have given it much thought except the person who did this gesture used to be a very close friend, someone I considered a model disciple when we were younger.

As a young man he had kept a daily time each morning for prayer and Bible study. Later, he was also active in leading worship music in his home church. But something had clearly changed in him over the years. A couple years ago, I learned he and his wife of 25 years were divorcing and he had moved in with another woman. I stopped to think about where my friend was now, 180 degrees away from the life of godly devotion I once knew him to lead. I also realized I was likely helpless to speak to him persuasively, to do little more than commit him to prayer.

So what could I do? I realized that while I might not have an impact on my friend now, I could do something positive for my family. I could use this experience to remind myself of the importance of my role as my children's father, to fully commit in my heart to my role as the spiritual leader in their lives. Amazingly, they still do listen to me more often than not. They still pay attention to what I say and do and care about what I think. And they are still in the first two stages of forming faith (1) experiencing faith with me as a normal part of our home life and (2) by associating with other people of faith in the church.

But I realized as Pastor Ben pointed out that for their faith to be fully formed and won, they will need to be able to go through two more advanced stages: (3) a searching period where they test and prove their faith in God's truths through a season of questioning to reach the final stage (4) owned faith, where they, too will hopefully arrive and stand fully accountable as adults for deciding who they will choose to know, love and serve (or likewise, disown, despise and disobey) and they will know what the consequences are making that choice wisely and well for themselves.

Do:   Proverbs 24:3 says that "By wisdom a house is built and through understanding it is established…". So how do you see wisdom being lived out in your own spiritual home life? What things are you doing to mature yourself and your family in understanding God's Word and how to live it out? In Proverbs 4:23, it says: "Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." In what ways do you currently safeguard your heart? Are there other wise practices you need to consider adding or restarting to help further safeguard it or the hearts of your spouse or your children?

Pray:  God, help me to remember the full cost of allowing the roots of spiritual defeat to take hold over my life. Help me to be brave in searching for a deeper faith and owning my faith journey fully so that I can be a supportive and encouraging example to my loved ones. Amen.

READ:   Jeremiah 29:11

THINK:  I am sure many of us wish this series would go on for the balance of the year, because of any responsibility in life that we have to bear, the role of a parent is easily one of the most difficult and challenging.  We enter it with great naiveté, and progress through it with woulda…, coulda…, and shoulda….  That’s where help comes in! 

God does not remain silent on the topic of children.  He shares our joy and heartache as well.  He provides specific instruction in many cases as Ben articulated over the weekend in his message.  While many portions of scripture do not overtly point towards the raising of children, they certainly can be foundational in helping us, and that will be the focus of today’s devotional.  Three verses have been foundational in my life and they most clearly apply to the role of a parent:

Trust:  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

As Ben would say…would you underline “and lean not on your own understanding”.  How often do we encounter a situation or circumstance with our children that we are completely at a loss for how to handle properly?  It is at those times that God is calling out to each and every one of us that he is available to us, to help us navigate the Class V rapids of parenthood.

Truth and Mercy and Love: "Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O LORD." (Psalm 25:4-7)

Oh where to start!   Such key ingredients for a parent.  Knowing the truth, having mercy, and providing love.  Knowing the truth and instilling that in our children starts with letting God be our teacher.  His mercy and love is an example for all us with our children.  He showed us mercy and love when we deserved neither.  Our children need to see the source of truth, mercy and love…don’t hide these from them but let them shine brightly before them.

Courage: "The LORD is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid?" (Psalm 27:1)

Whether just starting or rounding the corner to grandparenthood courage is essential in parenting. We need to trust Him who created our children.  We need to trust the plans he has for them (Jeremiah 29:11).  

I have a friend who is an inspiration to many of us.  He is a grandparent at this stage in life.  He is so wise and so faithful. His children have not always made choices he would desire, but never has he given up hope, or stopped loving them unconditionally.  He has displayed unbelievable courage in the midst of rebellion.  I am thankful that God has provided this example to me, and I am hopeful that you are surrounded by individuals that will inspire you as a parent as well.

DO:  Seek God’s help as a parent. You will need it!! That is not a reflection on your parenting skills but an acknowledgement of the enormity of the task. 

PRAY:  Heavenly Father you are beside me and with me in my role as parent.  I thank you for your love, grace, and truth and wisdom.  Help me to be wise as a parent and rely upon your understanding.   Thank you for your grace and mercy.  In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Read:  Ephesians 4:32

Think:  There is photographic evidence that I made my first mistakes as a father in the delivery room when our first child was born.  The evidence, oddly enough, is the photographs themselves, which my wife maintains are gruesome and inappropriate.  Believe it or not, I have made additional – and more devastating – mistakes since then.

Like every parent, I vowed that I would not repeat the mistakes that my parents made.  I would have more time for my children, and infinite patience.  I would love my spouse perfectly in order to model healthy marriage for my kids.  Like every parent, I have failed to meet the high standards I set for myself.  Like every parent, I have felt intense guilt and sorrow at my failures.

I guess that’s why Pastor Ben’s final point on Sunday had such a deep impact on me.  ‘Live in God’s grace,’ he said.  God’s grace is what frees us from our guilt and shame, including the intense remorse and sadness we feel when we know that our mistakes have hurt the children we love.  It is in living in that grace that we find the will and the strength to change our behaviors and become, if not perfect, at least better parents.  Because we are role models, our acceptance of God’s forgiveness – and the change that flows from it – shows our children how God can help them when they fail.

When we truly experience God’s grace flowing into our lives, it will begin to flow out, as well.  As God has forgiven us, we begin to forgive others.  Focusing on relationships between parents and children, Pastor Ben reminded us of the importance of dealing with any resentment we may have against our own parents.  For our own good, and that of our kids, we need to pass on to them the forgiveness God has extended to us.  God, the perfect parent, extends grace to all who will accept it.  We are most like Him when we become conduits of His grace.

Do:  Identify a less-than-ideal behavior in you that you may have learned from a parent.  Spend a moment meditating on God’s forgiveness of that in you, and what it would look like for you to forgive your parent for it, too.

Pray:  Father God, thank you for your grace.  I’ve made so many mistakes, but You’ve always been ready to forgive me and help me to live a better life.  Help me today to show grace to my parents as You have shown it to me, forgiving and loving them in a way that pleases You.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

READ: Isaiah 12:2-3; 1 Timothy 6:12;

THINK: I'm starting to think that Pastor Ben has my house tapped.  How can he know what we're going through when raising our 14 year old teenager?  Maybe it’s because he has two teenagers of his own.

I feel like we need to create a growth group for parents who are raising teenagers. I don’t know about you but if I hear; “you just don’t get it”, “you don’t know what I am going through”, “this is so unfair” and last but not least, “you guys just think you know it all”, one more time, I might just lose my mind.

In talking with parents and adults who’ve either had kids or been that kid that was so hard to raise. Both say that they will grow out of this and once they do, they realize how awfully they behaved. But until that day--- we continue to struggle.

In listening to Ben speak, the action GRASP JOY really resonated with me. How much JOY can come from my teenagers Facebook replies? How much JOY can come from comparing what other kids have and do? How much JOY can come from looking at what other kids are posting on Tumbler? Not much. Yes, there is some good that can come from social media but most of it leads them down the slippery slope of envy where no one can live up to the sensationalized life of other 14 year teenager.

How do our children GRASP JOY?  Just remember:

1.)    Every teenager is going through this right now and they are not alone. And parents neither are you!

2.)    There are other teenagers out there willing to help in small groups like our Roots Groups (growth groups for junior and high schoolers at Timberlake.)

3.)    If they have lost their JOY, it’s not because it was stolen but that they gave it away.

4.)    We can guide them, direct them and pray for them, but ultimately they are the only ones who can get themselves unstuck and joyful.

5.)    If it is really as bad as they say it is, encourage them to ask Jesus to return JOY back into their life. Sending them to the Source of JOY is the best advice we can give!

DO: I am not a perfect person, which creates an imperfect parent, which delivers imperfect children... But I have access to the Perfect Parent - our Father God! Go to Him with your worry, pray for your kid(s) and seek direction. A great tool to use is the book The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartain. 

PRAY: Dear Lord, I pray that restore JOY back into my child’s life, you relieve me of the burden of trying to infuse JOY into their life which only YOU can deliver. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

READ: James 5:16; Philippians 4:6-7; Ephesians 2:8-10

THINK: There are a lot of different methods of bringing up children. When I was a young mom, I think I read about them all. I had the dream of being the perfect mother, able to raise the perfect children. I was on a quest to find the right methods and formulas and programs, to produce the right-behaving kids. One by one, the methods let me down. When one didn’t work, I tried another. Then, I learned that the common denominator to my failed attempts was me, and not the method. My expectations for myself and for me kids were so high, that I never could reach the bar. This left me feeling stressed out and disconnected from God and my kids. I wasn’t enjoying them and my role as a mother like I wanted to. In the search for perfection, I was missing out on all the fun.

The pain of this cycle forced me to let go of the unrealistic expectations I had. I started accepting reality, instead of chasing the ideal. Here’s what accepting reality meant for me:

Forgiving Myself: when I made parenting mistakes, I refused to beat myself up over them. Instead, I forgave myself as quickly as I could muster. If I had a hard time forgiving myself, then I called a friend and told her about it. James 5:16 says, “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” Good friends always know how to help you let go, pray, and heal.

Aiming for Progress not Perfection: If my aim was being the perfect mom, raising the perfect kids, then I wouldn’t see how much progress we were really making. Being thankful for the growth that’s happening keeps me mindful of the “real” instead of the “ideal”. Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks. And God’s peace, which is so great we cannot understand it, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Grace as a Way of Life: Grace is unmerited favor, which means that we just get God’s favor as a gift and not based on our good behavior. Grace is designed to draw us closer to Him. When we fully embrace God’s grace, then we are able to give it to ourselves at the points when we deserve it least. Out of the abundance of God’s grace in our lives, we can give it to our kids. It’s a pretty sweet deal. Ephesians 2:8-10 says, “…You have been saved by grace through believing. You did not save yourselves; it was a gift from God.  It was not the result of your own efforts, so you cannot brag about it. God has made us what we are. In Christ Jesus, God made us to do good works, which God planned in advance for us to live our lives doing.” Grace makes us grow into Christ- likeness, not human effort.

Years later, I still am not a perfect parent. But I am a favored parent- favored by the Perfect Parent, God, who accepts me just as I am, but refuses to leave me that way. And my kids get to benefit from all the investment that God puts into me. Like I said, it’s a pretty sweet deal.

DO: Ask God one thing that you need to receive grace and forgiveness for. If necessary, ask for and offer forgiveness with your kids too.

PRAY: Heavenly Father, thank you for the opportunity to grow as a parent, and to be a part of my children’s growth process too. Teach me to parent my kids the way you parent me. Help me to get to know your character better, so I can pass it on. Help me to practice receiving your favor, and to extend that to my children as well.

READ: Philippians 4:9 Psalm 127:3

THINK: I remember talking to a friend with teenagers about my young kids, ages 7 and 4, and their response to my question “Does it get any better?” was surprising. They told me no, it doesn’t. Most people say, "oh yes, it will get better as they grow older" but I found this answer my friend gave me frank and honest. It may not get better, but it will certainly be  different. Following the graph that Pastor Ben put up for us helps to see our role clearly as parents and 'sculptors' of their life.

I have seen firsthand what it’s like when a parent tries to be a friend initially and then ends up regretting that they gave their child so much privilege up front. It’s like building a house with a weak foundation, it will end up haunting you forever. There is a reason we should go from caregiver to ruler to coach and then friend as it will make our job so much easier and build that solid foundation that our kids need and really want.

Being a parent educator has helped me to see the wisdom of learning and applying what I know but the real test has been being a real live parent and being willing to be teachable as well as being a teacher. Discipline and guidance are key areas of parenting and we can learn so much from our own heavenly daddy, God, and his wisdom in the scripture. Many times lessons were taught in very clear ways with just the right amount of patience. In my opinion, the Bible is one of the best written parenting guides around, certainly a best seller!

Take for example the Old Testament and the Book of Isaiah, “…Each generation tells of your faithfulness to the next.” Isaiah 39:19 (NLT) God speaks through his prophet about teaching and leading our children and the consequences of our teaching. We have such a huge responsibility to our children to help them learn good PR as Ben taught us- privilege and responsibility. In Proverbs it tells us, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Proverbs 22:6 (TNIV). This is so key to great and effective parenting and will make your life so much more pleasant while you go through the journey of parenting.

I especially like point #2 in the notes of what kids need, your PRESENCE. Many kids spell LOVE= TIME and that is how they will measure your commitment to them. I’ll never forget a conversation I overheard (yes, I do eavesdrop) at a health club from two teenage boys about their relationship with their dads. I was sad to hear one boy say that his dad spent little or no time with him but instead gave him “things.” This man was a lawyer who worked many hours providing for his family but forgot the #1 priority of family time. That young boy was crying out for the LOVE/TIME that he needed. I make sure in my life that my priorities are in line with God’s and give myself to Him and my family. I am shown unconditional love by God and his expectation is that I pass it along. My spiritual guidance is so important, that I always listen and remain teachable.

DO: Read through the message notes from the weekend, re read the scripture references and go to the Bible (read it!) to find out how to be the best parent. Seek advice when needed, talk things over with a good and trusted friend. Sometimes all is takes is just talking it out and the answers will come. Be open to being teachable and pat yourself on the back for a job well done once in awhile. Your kids deserve a strong parent and will thank you years later for the way you lead them.

PRAY: God, help me to become the parent you desire for me to be. Help me to shine your light and be your salt as I follow the example You set for me as a father... I thank you God for your continued care and leading of me as your child. Help me to grow in your love today and every day. In Jesus' Name, Amen.